I had quite a bit of downtime over the holidays and had some time to prowl the Internet looking at how it is being used in the pursuit of sex these days. I knew about the gay 'hook-up' and dating sites but I was very curious about what the 'new' things were. And I was horny! The world of cyber sex is fascinating...
Although I'm not feeling up to 'Real World' encounters, the cyber world is allowing me to try on new roles, desires, personalities, and even looks I doubt I could pull off in reality. Some of it has been just ridiculous, some fun, some surprisingly hot and passionate. I've also met some really kind, sweet people. Is any of it real? Probably not but I don't think it maters really. For me it is all about regaining my 'sea legs' in the dating and sex worlds. To my relief I'm finding it is like riding a bike... you never really forget.
I will admit, I have a couple of cyber crushes... two men with whom I have made a connection beyond hot cyber-sex. and some of it has been HOT, HOT, HOT! But these two men in particular have also reached out on a personal level to talk about themselves, their emotional sides, their playful sides and their desires for the future. One has made a very large impact on me and, if what has been presented by us both were 'real, is someone with whom I would pursue a relationship. Of course, I have to presume, at least on some levels, he is also trying on different guises to see how they fit. I think that is the downside to the cyber world that people forget. It isn't real. That doesn't mean it has no value or can't have an effect on one's life. Movies, theatre, novels and many other forms of entertainment aren't 'real' but can still move us in profound ways. The feeling, emotion and passion they inspire IS real and valuable.
They also allow me to feel good about myself because they have been sweet and kind and undemanding (except under certain very welcome circumstances!). Simply having those feelings awakened again is an important part of my return to the real world just in a safer environment.
Fortunately, the cyber world does connect with the real world and present one with interesting opportunities. I have one of those opportunities tonight and, so far, I am expecting to take full advantage of it. Am I ready to delve into the real world of sex? It has been eight months... I vacillate every five minutes. There's still a good seven hours 'till I have to actually decide. It will depend on how my battle of wills turns out... how well I think I 'clean up' tonight (Hmmmm), how horny I am (so far, very!), and how cold it is (VERY!).
Tune in tomorrow...
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